What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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