What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize