I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
