I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Houston, we have a blender
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
