this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
