god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
