I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
