Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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