if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
