Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
