all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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