u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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