chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
