good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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