Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize