i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize