just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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