Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
