Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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