i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
