I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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