why didn't you poke me back
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
