And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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