Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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