Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
