I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize