Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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