lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
