I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
