Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
