I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was like eating out sand paper
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
