So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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