Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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