I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
