why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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