Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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