it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
