Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize