god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
