Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize