It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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