like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
