I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Still dying that you shit outside
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
