After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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