you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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