So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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