i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
