The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
