Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
