OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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