At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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