Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
