you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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