Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
