He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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