im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
