Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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