A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
