I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
