i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
