I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
