Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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