i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
