My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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