but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
