ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
