Do you still have your period?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
