He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
