just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
