is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
