Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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