I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How naked do you want me to be?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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