I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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