we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
