Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
