Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
