Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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