Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
