How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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