No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
