If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
