just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
