Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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