Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
