I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
