I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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