Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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