YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want her autograph on my taint
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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