Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
