a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
