How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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