i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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