one two three fourrrrnication!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
