i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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