Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
