I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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