Need sex. Gaining weight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize