I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Life is so much better after having sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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