erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
