He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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