I just made out with a guy for $7.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
