i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
