Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
