Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.

Fav 19 1714 4309
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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(443): View more from Maryland

THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.

Fav 14 5498 1905
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(569): View more from

Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?

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(217): View more from Illinois

I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool

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