Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
