U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
